Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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