If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize