hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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