i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
