its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
