Buhtt sex?
I met the friendliest cop last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
