so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
