I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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