I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
