His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
