She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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