"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
