omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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