No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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