Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
