She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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