she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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