So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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