Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize