I just pynch a tree in the face
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
