You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
