in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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