I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
