OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
