Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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