Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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