Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
