Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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