Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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