Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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