Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
