John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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