He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
