dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My balls are so social today.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need moral support for this bender
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
