I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
zippers are such a cool invention
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
