I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
