Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize