I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
