Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
