somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
