i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
