Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
