Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
