Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
