When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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