There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
