I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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