Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
