i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
