i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
