so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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