She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
