I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is classic penis vs brain.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
