Im at strip club and am horny
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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