No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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