After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
