im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
