I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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