Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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