i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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