I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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