Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
