Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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