The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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