atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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