I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had sex on a roof
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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