I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
