Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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