Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize