you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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