I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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